A Dark Place

Trying to remember how to do all this stuff, didn't even remember this was here. I'm going to skip the updates between then and now, and start a little more simply.

Graft is a hell of a word. Its the epitome of ends justifying the means, cutting a new hole so the first one will heal. Its amazing what they can do, splitting the growth layer eleven microns down so that the hole closes and the cut skin reattaches itself and fills in the gaps. They have to lattice it because the hole is so big, wonder if i can get them to put a design in it, like a big middle finger or something.

Everything else is going swimmingly. I'm picking out parts for the new bike, and trying to divide them into what I need now and what has to wait. I cant put pipes on it til its broken in (a cool 1000 miles) but I'll order them up front, 1k shouldn't take me that long. I need the crash bar on the front, everything else is just looks. I might have them chrome the forks for me, just cause I get a discount if its before pickup. I'm also looking for color ideas for next winter, I'm thinking a nice burgundy with pearl panels.

Is it enough?

The Good: Caoimhe went back to school
The Bad: Caoimhe went back to school
The Ugly: I cant breathe
Art:
Music: Nightwish
Gadget: My Lumix
Game: Ratchet and Clank: Up your Arsenal

Ugh, still sick. It's snowing out, ever so lightly, but it still has the effect of silencing everything. White noise, indeed. I'm hoping to start being more active on DeviantArt again, as well as hoping to get a better job and maybe get into a school for some night classes. First things first though, I'd like to breathe.

The Good: Managed to survive the last talk with Dad
The Bad: He's coming with me to VA for stuff collection
The Ugly: Trying to figure out explanations for anything parent unfriendly
Music: Beethoven
Art: The Jury
Gadget: Stereo
Game: Just started Gran Turismo 3, got me a new miata

Heyy I'm back? What? You didnt know I was gone? Damn. Maybe next time I'll stay away longer then. You dont care? Oh, ok then, nevermind.
I dont have much free time anymore, which means I'll be spending it here more often...
Whoa. House just shook. Not like big truck shaking, or earthquake shaking either. More like the ripples of something important happening, the rhythmic vibrations of a stitch of the fabric of existence screaming to be noticed for a moment, then gone. Theres a tarot deck somewhere around here, lets try for a single card reading. Card of the day is: Ace of Cups. Fertility, Productivity, Pleasure and Happiness. Water. More rain coming maybe? Weather channel says: No. Huh. No clue.
I need to get a smaller tarot deck. This one is a bitch to shuffle. Nice pictures though. Hooray for Lady Frieda Harris. Crowley was a weird guy. Theres a suggested reading list, maybe I'll take a look at some of those next time I'm bored. I've realized boredom isn't having nothing to do, its not wanting to do any of the things you should or could be doing.
All of these words and nothing really said, fairly typical. The first few lines say it all, really. I'm trying to get things cleaned up, put back in order, fighting chaos with entropy, or is it entrophy? Order, at any rate. Fair thee well.

Delicious. Seriously, thats all it took this morning to put me in a good mood, is half a dozen frying-pan sized pancakes. Looks like i gotta run today.

Today is reading day, which means no classes and no finals. Except, I have a final, as it would seem. Comm today, Calc tomorrow, CS saturday, Geos monday, philosophy and vector someplace in between. Ugh. I keep thinking theres more time than there really is, which cant be healthy.

I havent written in a while, sorry bout that. Havent had much to say. I'm running again, and instead of losing weight I'm just eating more, but my meal plan is gone so the weight will come off fast enough. As long as I'm fed before each test I should be ok, I hate testing hungry.

I'm fairly certain I'm going to make it this semester, and be able to come back. This is good, as I already have to pay for the apartment, and it'd be nice to be able to use it. C will most likely be in school next semester, so there'd be little reason to be home, anyway. Speaking of home, as far as I know I'm headed home the 13th.

Well, I'm going to get some last minute studying in before my test, wish me luck.

for buried treasure as ever there was one, Dragon's tooth has all the requirements for hiding plundered gold. Tis hard to get to, a fantastic view, and a boatload of f***ing sand!

Anywho, I hiked up to Dragon's tooth yesterday, dragging kel along with me. I hike isnt a hike until someone asks if we're at the top yet and receives a witty response. Not that I was particularly witty yesterday, but it was enough to qualify i guess. The hike was arduous, but not leg breaking (this time) and we were both fairly winded when we reached the top. It was well worth it though, for the panorama of valley views that opened up before our eyes. She crashed on a rock to recoup while I traveled to the point of the ridge to snap a few shots. Water and snacks were had by all, and we went looking for the tooth.

In a largely sandstone mountain (see? f***ing sand! it was everywhere!) the tooth was solid...stuff. Not really sure what it was, something metamorphic by the shape of it. Well either way it stood there towering over you at your first vantage of it, and I wanted to climb it. A short trail around the back later and I'm crabwalking up a gap in the rock to find myself facing the rock slope to the top. I might have made it all the way the first time, but I looked right instead of left, and saw the 100 ft drop to the treetops, and I remember them being really tall trees. A minute later some crazy hiker guy just walked to the top and stood there, then dropped to crouch on the rock when the wind gusted. What the hell, I'll try it.

I'd never forgive myself if I hadn't. That was easily the most amazing view I've seen down here. I was looking out across a golden and orange valley, with tinges of red on the fringes bordered by still-green foothills, which rose up to mountains stretched out like sleeping giants. The entire horizon was ridges and peaks, as far as my eyes could determine in the perfect weather. The sun was beginning to drop from it's zenith perch on high, and gave a golden edge to every leaf from here to what looked like eternity. Were it not for the wind threatening to blow me off to my doom, I would have stayed there for hours. If the wind had succeeded, I would have compared that scene to heaven, and found heaven wanting. Oh, and there were ladybugs. Lots and Lots of ladybugs all over the rocks, trying to stay warm. Poor buggers.

This was the last trip on my mileage restriction, I'm done for the year unless someone drives me. Still, hitting the best climb in peak fall colors on a perfect day? What a way to end the season.

Bored, I dug through my music collection for something to listen to. On a whim, I decided on the LoTR soundtrack. The main prophecy theme for the movie came on when I was making coffee, and it felt like I was making the most epic pot of coffee ever. One cup to rule them all, One cup to find them, One cup to, oh crap its only two cups. So much for that.

in the chair, olive-green bowl in his hand, he hungrily began devouring the distinctly orange mac-n-cheese inside. He had put on some soft dinner music, something pleasing yet unobtrusive, like he did back home. With a guilty look at the empty chair across from him, he straightened himself in his chair and resumed eating at a more sedate pace. He'd decided that character is what you do when nobody was watching, and that he'd make up for the quality of his meal with pretensions of proper dining. The bowl finished, he went back to the kitchen to scoop the rest out of the pot, and start some coffee brewing. With the coffee maker burbling happily away, he grabbed a sealed tin and his bowl and headed over to the table to resume his solitary meal.

With the second bowl neatly polished off, he began pulling the tape off the tin that had just come today. He'd wanted to open it then, but a certain reverence made him wait until now. With the lid pulled off and set aside, he stared at his new treasure, pumpkin chocolate chip cookies, as fresh as mail delivery will allow. Not only that, they were his sister's cookies, hand-made with his tastes in mind. He took the top (and largest, how thoughtful of her) cookie and ate it slowly, savoring every bite. Good cookies. With a slightly longing look, he replaced the lid, deciding to make them last. For once though, nobody would finish them off when he wasn't there, they were all his and his. . . alone. With that thought, he grabbed another cookie to cheer him up, grabbed his coffee, and sat at the other side of the table, so at least both chairs get used.

Sometimes we notice the moments that define us, milestones in our lives are usually plain to see. Somtimes they're more subtle, but their impact is just as large, and often more important. The world lost a great man this past thursday. He wasnt a hero, he wasnt famous, but he gave me and countless others a great gift.
Steve Ketchen came to my house every wednesday to teach me guitar. He did it for next to nothing, and always stayed far longer than he had to. He couldnt play himself anymore, arthritis took that from him, but he loved to teach, so each week he'd walk the half mile or so from his house to sit on my couch as i struggled through each note. He was always patient, and always had stories to tell about where music had taken him. He was in the marine band, and traveled the world learning about the music he found there, and passed that knowledge on to everyone he could. Anyone could have taught me guitar, but he taught me the solace and joy I could find in those strings, and how music could make life truly worthwhile. After all my triumphs and failings with music, I never forgot that. He was a quiet man with a quiet life, and the world is a quieter place without him. Rest in peace, and thank you.

Everything moves in circles, wheels within wheels. Existence is formed of flow and barriers, currents and obstruction, which always sends things spinning. You can observe this in whirlpools trailing either edge of a canoe paddle, or dust circling at the corners of your house. Extreme examples manifest in world weather systems with life shattering effects. More subtle than this are circles in personal behavior, words dancing around immobile paradigms to accommodate the flow of conversation and understanding. We build these obstructions, houses and walls and paddles, creating order from entropy and chaos. Our most streamlined creations flounder when the current changes direction, our most solid preconceptions tremble when questioned obliquely. Each time we adjust, we rebel, resolidify our foundations, declaring "I am master of my domain!" with booming voice and intent. We have names for this, strength perserverance, constitution, will/ Maybe its all just idiocy and ignorance, only the current continues on its own. Without it there's nothing to prove our existence, as no still water betrays the rocks beneath the surface. We need the current so our ripples can be seen.

Finally, I've managed to get some of those contact strips so I can hang things on the wall now. I dont have a whole bunch, a poster here, some photos there, but plans are already in place to get more. Its funny how much more comfortable the place seems with just a few items on the wall. They make it mine, because they're pictures I chose. Stuff from home, although nothing explicitly depicts home. More its who they came from, posters from C, photos from Dom.

I really dislike my enjoyment of a particular day being dependent on what everyone else around here is doing, especially when everyone else has better things to do. So I've started a new hobby, and once I get used to sore thumbs I'll be able to devote more time to it. I was also thinking about trying an implementation for the css zen garden, but I doubt that will happen. Still, it'd be pretty cool. I'd really like to go into writing some theory for Wugsmash, but that requires testing and is a dependency, so it waits for now. Maybe I'll start playing some more tournaments, I have to double check if its within my financial abilities first. Ah, if only I could escape that ultimate dependency on money.

I'm sitting in a crowded room, some 300 students, and the air swarms with clouds of mixed perfumes and colognes and unbalanced hormones. Not a second goes by that someone isnt coughing, hacking the lastest version of human ailments into the air around them. Its a wonder we arent all dead. Population density is what propagated the plague, no fresh air bugger between the healthy and the sick usually leads to there being no difference. And I'm paying for this experience?
All this is on top of the headache I developed last night. Too much light, too many screens for too long, too much noise, too small fonts in text too far away. I just want to close my eyes in a dark and comfortable and quiet place, the only sound a nearby ripple of water, or leaves falling slowly to the ground.
I dream of ancient forests, late afternoon sun coming in streaks through the trees, lighting up patches of a forest floor gilded with fallen leaves. I sit on a flat rock atop a small rise, watching the leaves fall, not moving until the golden ground of fall turns into the snow-covered platinum of winter. With a touch of wistful nostalgia, I tuck the last golden leaf into my pocket, turn around, and head for home.

Stupid Stupid Stupid. 'Oh, I can resize a few partitions without backing up 4 years worth of files. NO PROBLEM." Fuck. Partition Magic decided that crashing is fun, and now the whole drive is corrupted. I can reformat, but every picture I've taken, everything I've written, every email, and oh, about 50% of my life is not accessible. UBCD doesnt even recognize that theres a drive there, neither does norton utilities. If I didnt have this frankenputer running, i'd be forced to reformat the whole thing, because I need a computer. As it is, I might do that anyway if I want to get it working in the next month. Any ideas?

EDIT: Come to think of it, there really isnt anything on there I need. Old (and bad) poetry, crappy photos, and emails with information I can get elsewhere. The 4 gigs of music and 6 gigs of games I can re-aquire, so rather than beat myself up looking for a way to save this crap, I'm just starting over. It'll be nice to have a fresh install, anyway.

Mushroom, bacon, and cheese omelete, bacon, sausage, boston creme donut and a chocolate glazed one too, and grits, and about a gallon of coffee = my breakfast on test day. Hooray for real meals! I'm probably going to have a big lunch too, cause I dont think I'll be sticking around for dinner. I'm debating delaying the calc test until tomorrow, I could probably use the extra study time, and I still get to take it 4 times, rather than 5. Still, it would give me something to do after 9:00 tomorrow, and it gives me more time for vector, which is going to be harder. Stupid vector, why do you escape me?

But yeah, it was a slow weekend, with the most exciting thing being my solitary hike to angel's rest, which everyone that cares has probably heard about in detail. Pop over to DA if you want to see the view. All my walls are still barren, I'm considering making a print of that to hang if I can find a way to hold it all together. I'm too poor/cheap for a good frame, so this is unlikely. It would need alot of fixing first anyway, I know its not perfect print material right now.

Ugh...tests today...

waiting for my girl.

Finally fixed my bike today. I decided to take it apart, turns out that the nut that pulls the spreader up into the handlebars (to spread them, you know?) had come off, and after staring at it for a while I figured out that no, nothing keeps it from turning except the pressure against said spreader, which means I had to tighten it then jam it into place. Oh well, a few hammer strokes and its fixed.

I went for a ride, and discovered it still has a hasty habit of upshifting constantly until it hits the highest gear. This usually manifests at the worst times, like going up a steep hill. Still, I rode around for about an hour, got some good views of the other side of this hill, I'll head back with a camera if I find someplace to take pictures from.

I did something new when I came back. After stretching and showering, I decided to try meditation to purge adrenaline and endorphins from my bloodstream. I have no idea if it worked, but I learned that the music on meditation websites is simply exotic elevator music. Hooray for soma.fm.

Dinner was an experiment, as I discovered I didnt have the milk required for the mac and cheese(stupid me bought the wrong kind) and I was fairly hungry. Thus, I cooked the noodles, then whipped the cheese powder, melted butter, and two eggs together, then threw all of this into the frying pan. So far (and this was a few hours ago) I havent died, but thats about all I can say for it. Next time I need to make less than a pound, theres only so much disgustingly grainy goop with noodles I can take. At least I'm not hungry anymore.

Other than that, nobody is around, so I'm here waiting for someone to prevent my next food experiment, peanut butter omeletes. Help?